Thanks to the BBC’s cultural strand I think I’ve just found my ideal man. I’m suspicious, though, that he was concocted in a lab, so just so is he.

He’s Jake Thackray and floats so many of my boats I am truly ashamed that the BBC had to point him out to me at this late stage. A chansonnier with a Yorkshire brogue, a vaudevillian with a polo neck, Jake does saucy Northern grotesques every night at the Gaiety Theatre where Benny Hill and Georges Bataille meet.

Here’s him doing Georges Brassens’ Brother Gorilla.